Bapak! Today is your chinese birthday. Happy Birthday to you (that is if you’re still alive).

Anyway, remembered what I told you this morning?

Remember to enlighten me tonight!

I shall wait for you in my dreams.

Dad, your second brother has gone to join you already.

Do take care of him and happy reunion.

Dad called me yesterday night.

It’s a weird dream, I know.

But it is comforting as well, knowing that the deceased can use phone and emails too.

He actually called me so suddenly, like he usually do, just to chat.

And after I made sure he is fine, living or rather dying nicely, he asked to talked to mum.

Mum cried, as I have already predicted, and I passed the call to JooEnn & Phin. Yeap, they were there too.

Lastly, I passed the phone to Feitze, and the line got disconnected. I was so angry with him for hanging up on dad, but he insisted that its not his fault.

Anyway, I tried to called back the number, and after a long beep, a lady answered.

I mentioned dad’s name and that I was looking for him, but she simply said, please call the general line. Haha! so funny!

After a while, dad called back. It’s so unbelievable.

We talked for another moment (but I don’t remember what we talked about) and the call got disconnected again.

I know the dream is rather impossible, but I guess it is my subconcious mind that crave to talk to dad thru phone again.

I was just commenting on Feitze, telling him how nice it is to have his father call him.

Oh, I just miss dad so much!

人是该求生，不是求死的。

可是当你走到生不如死的地步，你会如何选择？

为了身边亲爱的人，继续活下去？

我想，我会。不管用尽多少力气，我都会。

可是，为何爸爸他不这样作呢？爸爸并不脆弱，所以，为何他会选择离开我们？

我不知道。。。。我想，爸爸他真的累了。。。。

I remembered at one time,  I was a huge fan of Grand Prix. And dad being dad, whatever type of sports also suits him.

So we will end up watching Grand Prix together.I truly do enjoyed the time watching Grand Prix with him.

How I hope to have the chance to watch Grand Prix with him again…..

爸爸，对不起！

Unexpectedly, a day after bro dreamt of dad, I dreamt of him too yesterday.

Well, in that dream, he is still sick, sitting on a wheelchair in LWEH. He said he was hungry, and I offered to buy some breakfast for him. But he declined, saying that my cousin brother has called and is on his way with his breakfast. Then the hospital breakfast came, a plate of fried bihun, and he finished it all.

When my cousin arrived with his breakfast (fried bihun too), he still managed to finished it. It seems that his appetite is getting much better. Even his face is radiant with colour. Then more relatives came in, and we talked. Suddenly, he says that he wants a hug from me. I hold him so tight, and keep on whispering to him that he will be fine. And he said confidently, yes, I will be fine.

Even though I knew I was sleeping that time, it felt so real, I can feel his body warmth comforting me. Duh, I really miss dad so much.

I know that this dream may be just my desire, my brain sending out signal as I miss him. But I would rather believe that he actually came back to tell me that he is fine.

It has been said for ages that when a person is about to die, he will go to a medium whereby he can choose whether to leave or to stay.

And at the precise moment, we, the living person is able to persuade them not to give up on life and on us.

But me, I actually told dad to let go. I was trying to ease him from all his suffering, but now, I really wonder if I had made a mistake?

If I really asked him not to give up, will he still be alive now? It is my selfishness that caused him to give up on himself?

I don’t know, but if I am given the choice all over again, perhaps I will ask him not to give up……

I dreamt of dad again 3 days ago. It was a long chat I had with him.

After woken up, I had totally forgotten what we chatted about. But I remembered it was in a book store, and only I could see him.

I wonder if he knows that I missed him, that’s why he came back?

Anyway, it was a heartwarming session, and at least, it cured my heartache a little bit.

Ah Bro说，爸爸回来了。。。

他真的回来了吗？